The final Good-bye

I know the end is soon. I am dreading saying good-bye. I know that my life with my pussycat has reached its full circle. We have been together for over 15 years. He is my first love, my high school crush, my lover, my best-friend, my therapist, my soul mate.

We have lived together for over 5 years. Bought and built a home together and in the next couple of days, weeks, I will have to set him free completely. I am not sure if my heart can handle the pain. I will miss waking up to him every morning, giving him a small but annoying kiss every morning before I head off to work, I will miss watching him sleep, listening to him snore (and kicking him), I will miss doing projects around the house with him, I will miss all night Mario marathons, I will miss walking around the neighborhood discovering new places, I will miss hosting family dinners with him and the mad painting/clean-up that always takes place the night prior, I will miss having him grudgingly rubbing my feet, I will miss debating about who makes the best sauce, I will miss talking to him about non-sense, I will miss his sense of humor when I am mad- he is the only one that can tell me a joke and crack a smile on my face,  I will miss laughing at our cats together.

I will miss all the things that would have been yet to come- Summer dinners outside by the mini pool, planting the garden, going on a trip to an exotic location and exploring the culture, the food. I will miss having a perfect vacation where everything is just right just as equally as I will miss the vacations where everything goes wrong- because there is beauty in the mess. I will miss decorating my house- making it into a home- there is still so much work left to do, I will miss our winter walks up the mountain, I will miss all the years that we could have shared, the children we could have had, the experience that we could have shared together.

The final good-bye is soon…and I will miss how you make my heart feel.

Sometimes an orchid needs to die in order to be re-born