Go after what you want...

So essentially I have to go after what I want hardcore. For the last year I pushed myself so hard to get a job. I worked all the time. I lived and breathed work. I was fully emmerced in my work and I loved every moment of it. It payed off. I was offered a full time position and I could not be happier. 

It dawns on me that with most things in my life I want them to come to me. This was something I fully pushed myself to success. I found my dream job and I got it. 

So why do I think anything else I want in my life will be handed to me. If I want to get fit. I have to push myself and go to the gym. If I want that guy. I have to push to find him. Attract him and fall in love with him. 

I do have someone in my sights. Not sure exactly how to go about it. But if I want it to happen I know that I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. I know I can't make someone like me. But I can try everything in my power to let that person see the real me. 

It's about time that I work hard to get everything I want in life. This passerby attitude is getting old. 

Why do I blog?

Hmmm.. I do not blog much. It was an outlit. It's actually a place where I can look back on my progress if I was so inclined. 

Christmas is always a hard one for me. I loved Christmas. I adored it. It was magical for me. Until m, It has lost all its magic. 

Having a person ruin your life even if it's a life you no longer want with that person's End it was 2 days before Xmas ruined the magic for me. I always remember the utter pain in a magical time. 

Everyone is so happy for the holidays. They all have these emmence plans. I watch, I see, I hear, I have no one. I feel an ache in me around the holidays because I feel reminded every single day how alone I am. 

I have my family. I am with them. I feel the love. But something is always missing. My family. My own little creation. 

I feel almost like I have to stop. Stop wanting it. It passed. That was my life. This is my new life. Accept that I will be alone. Stop trying. I have tried. No one ever seees me? Maybe there is nothing to see. I feel like I can't keep on trying. Everything lost its magic.