I will prevail. Prove you wrong

Do you know what it feels like like to spend  17 years with a stranger. You have all the memories flooding your brain from all different periods of your life. 

You remember a time when you broke up but were confident that your love would prevail. It was strong enough to endure every single desire. You were willing to fight. You were still around until the love if your life took a breath and exhaled in your direction. 

It happened more than once where he freaked. You were the constant. The voice of reason. 

You look back and you see a person who never accepted you for you. He wanted you to be someone else. Always. There was an unease that always existed cause his judgment cushed your spirit. He never carried you. He destroyed you little by little. 

Until there is no other choice but to rebuild the person he and you slowly crushed.  

I will prevail. Prove you wrong 

A mask revealed.

I wonder if 2014 has been a mask I have been wearing for the last 23 days. I said goodbye to a crappy year and opened my mind to the possibility of a new life, a new me. 

The mask is starting to melt and the momentum is starting slow down. I feel the weight of my mind pressing down upon me. 

I want so much for this year. I want a new job.  Actually a career. Something I can emmerce myself in. I want to get out and live life and not spend it in front of a TV. I want to meet someone that I connect with and that I can have hours of fun with. I just want to laugh this year and not think. I want to enjoy being me and my life and everything I have. There is so much that is wrong but so much is right. I have become someone different even if I do not realize it yet. 

I have gone on so many dates. Made so many mistakes. Made so many connections. Had do much stupid fun with strangers. I got out of my box. I become someone I do not recognise but am proud of all the same. 

I learned to not care. To not take thing so personally. Everyone has issues. Does not mean it is me. I learn to take the upper hand. I learned that I can want someone. I learned that I can actually connected with men on different levels. I learnt what I do not want. I learnt that what I want matters. What I want is key. 

I learnt that my mask night be melting but what is revealed will be magnificent.