You are beautiful

I shared one if the most intimate moments with my love this morning. We were staring at each other in bed and he simply said you are beautiful. I replied you are not so bad looking yourself.

This all happened after my back gave out after weeks of sleeping on the couch and I started training for my 5k at the end of April. He came over to take care of me, like all the times I took care if him. He treated me like a princess and I was grateful. I needed to feel like I mattered to him.

For some odd reason since around Friday, I felt at peace with the whole situation. When I see him, I no longer feel hope rather I feel acceptance. I still love him and I think that he making one of the biggest mistakes of his life but I realize that he needs to make these mistakes to really know what I mean to him. If he ever will. And if he never ever does. Then I will have started moving forward.

I know that what we have been sharing is exactly what our relationship could be. I know every encounter has lingering loss behind it but the feelings and connection exists. I have never been so sure of it in my life.

I had a moment this morning when I thought about the last year. Did we do special things for each other anymore?The answer was no. Or sort of no. I realized that we both stopped. I am disappointed in us for doing that to our relationship. We both took each other for granted. We stopped showing our love. I'm not sure why. I think we got too comfortable.

My biggest lesson from this is to never take your partner for granted. I became selfish. Maybe as a means of self preservation but I became something I am not.

I would never do that again. He is too beautiful to me.