Closure

These last few weeks before he leaves are about closure to me. It about spending time together, enjoying each other's company and having fun. It also about slowly adjusting to life without him.

I need him to go. I want him to go. If he asked me back tomorrow I would say no. He has too much shit to figure out before he could ever be good for me. It would be a mistake.

He texted me that he longer wants to be physical. It fucks him up too much. I think he needs to figure out why that is. I'm fine with it. To me it is fun, amazing and a way to say good-bye. I never regret it and I never feel bad about it.

He also texted me that he has already said good-bye. That is the part that I have a problem with. He also told me that I should not make him, it is unfair. That is the other problem that I have.

We cannot have sex. That is fine by me. I have no idea how that is possible considering that for 17 years our relationship has always been intimate. The more you resist, the more appealing it will become. I will never beg for that. Also, I was just a bit mad that the decision was taken away from me. Like so many others.

I wonder why it fucks him up so much. I guess at the end if the day it does not really matter. All that matters is that I am ok.