Grocery
shopping, once a joyous occasion has now become a chore. Done out of
necessity rather than the desire to feed a family. I wander down the
aisle and wonder what to buy, who am I buying it for, why even bother. I
choke down tears while I search the aisles, trying to find my favorite
food that only I like.
Should I start a rad new diet all about me? Should I only buy
weird food that only I like? Should I still buy espresso and ice creme
sandwiches for him when he comes over? The desire to "care" takes over
and I cave in and buy the junk.
I look around at all the food and it is crazy how visually
ramen noodles can start a flow of memories....and a slow ache in my
heart.
I remember the first time he made that dish for me. We
were at David apartment a long, long time ago and we ate it in a white
dish that I had bought for him for that very purpose. He had just come
back from China and was convinced that soup for breakfast, lunch and
diner was where it was at. We were not going out at the time. Fast
forward to years later in our apartment and he made the same dish again
except this time he bought these sticky, mushy mushrooms for me (I love
mush and he hates it)...it was totally disgusting...but it was a great
memory. This soup has been a staple in our house when we wanted to be
exotic and healthy...we used to shop at Chinese stores just to find the
perfect broth..
I pack my fridge like I am feeding an army and then every
week, I end up throwing half of it out...I really do not feel like
cooking anything that I have bought...
I always loved
grocery shopping with him. I asked him to come very chance I got!! I
miss the way he used to annoyingly read the labels, the way he always
wanted junk, the way he used to grab my ass in the aisles when no one
was looking.
Who would have ever thought that grocery shopping could cause a breakdown.
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