The Blame Game....

I think I have spent the last two year blaming everyone and feeling sorry for myself. I'm sure that any one of you who have read a couple of my blogs would agree. I know that I am accountable for my actions but I think its time for once in my life that I accept the choices that I made. 

All the choices I have made up to this point have created the person I am good or bad. When I choose to have McDonald's, a bottle of wine, when I choose to be lazy and not exercise, when I choose to stay home and feel sorry for myself, when I did not change my career path when I should have, when I did not continue to pursue hairdressing, when I CHOSE to stay with a guy whose values did not match mine. I wanted kids, to be married, to grow up and he was ambivalent. I chose to think he would change cause he loved me. I chose to stay in that toxic and unhealthy environment and its time perhaps that I realize that he saw it way before I ever did. I'm not about to pat his back and congratulate him but I admit that I am way better off without him in my life.

The trick is that I need to start making better choices in my life. Choices that will lead me to my goals. I know what I want in life but I think I am going about getting it all wrong. 

My friend  told me that I should stop dating and truly focus on myself. To be honest the idea sounds attractive. I think I have been hiding behind men- via text, dates, sex to avoid having to face myself and my life. I wanted to be distracted so I did not have to hear myself anymore and maybe perhaps not have to deal with making the right choices. It was easier not to think. If I am busy I do not have to deal with how unhappy I am.

Clearly I am not confident enough in myself to deal with rejection. My insecurities might be so evident, my lack of confidence might be shinning through. I am not showcasing myself to the best of my abilities.

I'm tired of the Blame Game cause the only person that I have to blame for my life is me. I made every single one of those choices. Now is the time to accept that and move on and make all the right choices that are just for me.