Thursday, 1 January 2015

And then god laughs...

I often wonder why There is such humour in pain. I'm not today in the mood to be overly enthusiastic about life or my direction in life. I try so hard. I feel like I take all the right steps. I know it is all about your mind frame. I just need life to stop and look at me and give me a sign that all my dreams will come true. I need this year to be about me. I need this year to transform me. I'm so lonely. I'm so tired of looking at all my friends achieving in so many ways. Jobs. Family. Love. Husbands. What did I ever do to deserve this. Why does he get love. It is a distraction that he does not deserve. Yes people have things that go wrong. My friend on mat leave just lost her job. Things happen. But she has everything else. 

I just want so much for myself. I realize it more and more what I want and what I deserve. I just want to share that with someone. Someone who entices me. Complete me. Challenges me. Loves me for me. 

Love. Children. A family. It is me. It has been my dream for my whole life. 

Why is god laughing at me???

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