Life sucks

Life sucks. Plain and simple. You read your ex's blog and you realize that life sucks for him too. The magic is gone. You should get some satisfaction knowing he is miserable. But life sucks and all you can feel is a deep missing for a person who no longer exists. 

It was my moms birthday and I had my first dinner party here. I needed to keep busy cause a guest was missing. I need to always keep busy to hide my inner termoil.

A hammer discovered for a friend, a missed call in the middle of the night, a jerk telling you that you did not love, life is just treading along. 

One person, my best friend is always missing from it all. Life sucks and I want the opportunity to rewind it all. To do everything different. To learn from all my mistakes and possibly do everything different all over again. 

I wonder why I am still connected to him. He speaks in codes and I speak plainly. Like sucks and I am ready for it to not suck anymore.